The night I met, Ms. Loretta Lynn

BigUn

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Big’un@Big_un

November 26, 2023

The night I met, Ms. Loretta Lynn

December 1987; Patriot Center Arena, George Mason University;
Double Bill Concert staring “George Jones’ and ‘Loretta Lynn’.
I was working the concert as ‘overtime’. I showed up in uniform, in a police cruiser, and parked in the middle of the sidewalk at the entrance.
Why?
Because some dumbass decided, out of the three officers, I should be in charge.
“Rank hath it’s privileges”
We were being paid under the table so we weren’t technically on duty…
So my big ass planned just to scare folks, be seen, and find a good spot for the show. I DID NOT want to lock anybodies ass up.

I parked about 25 yards from the ticket booths and entrances. In the middle of the concrete plaza…
Lights on, radio traffic on the speaker. I know how to project force. I worked at the Pentagon.
I stood in front of the cruiser, in short sleeves, in December, with sunglasses on, after dark, arms crossed, legs shoulder width apart.
My uniform was….
Immaculate…
It was my job to look good. I took that shit seriously.
My silver shined, my leather gleamed, my Cochran jump boots, with my .44 special in custom holster, on the left ankle, had mirror toes…
When folks entered the main entrance, they knew who the damn sheriff was…
I made it a point to be seen as much as possible. Then I found a good spot to watch the dang show!

George Jones was just coming on stage…
“Unit 1;Unit 2”
God damn it!
::sigh::
“Unit 2;Unit 1; go!”
“Sir! I’ve got a drunk out near the tour buses!”
I told the dumb ass we were the same rank, cut the ‘Sir’ crap.
“DO NOT!!! I REPEAT DO NOT arrest anyone!!! I will be right there!”
I was not happy…
This was supposed to be easy…
I was supposed to get $150.00 to look tough and listen to Country music..

I get back behind the arena where all of the tour busses were parked.
I found the other officer, and he pointed out a little short fellow among the busses wobbling around.
::sigh::
Damn it!!!
There goes my damn night off…
So we approach the busses and the gentleman in question.
“Excuse me sir, may I have a word with you!” I said in my best ‘James Earl Jones’ impression.
He wheeled, wobled a bit. He began his reply and my knees almost buckled.
Two reasons;
1. The boy was so soused I was getting a contact high
2. I recognized him from Loretta Lynn’s ‘Crisco Shortening’ commercials… He was ‘Doolittle Lynn’
Boy looked nothing like Tommy Lee Jones.
My voice changed a little…
I didn’t need “Big cop splits Mr Lynn’s head wide open at concert, details at 11:00”
“Excuse me Mr. Lynn, are you lost sir? May I help you in any way?”

Hey!!! I CAN be officer friendly when required…

“Why… Yesssss youuu May!!” He slurred..
“Can’t locate the busssss”
“Isn’t it ‘The Coal Miner’?” I queried
“Yep!”
“Well as luck would have it sir, we are standing right next to it…” I reached out and touched the bus.
“Damn you’re good!” He said
“Well sir, it’s a god given talent and that’s a shame to waste.” I replied
He thought that was funny as hell.

I helped him to the door of the bus, it opened with a ‘woosh!!!’.
Before he stepped on, I said
“Excuse me Mr. Lynn, my wife’s best friend is a huge fan of your wife. She once made us walk 2 miles while she was pregnant, pushing a stroller…
Just to look at this bus, that’s why I knew what it was. Do you think it would be possible to get an autographed picture from your wife for her? She would never forgive me…”
“Why shore!!! C’mon in!!” He motioned us into the bus.
“Lorettie!!! Lorettie!! These boys want to meet you and get your autograph!”
She was in the back of the bus, on the left, sitting at a make up vanity.
She was wearing a white gown with shoulders, and sleeves, she looked over and said “My how handsome! You want my autograph!”
She was just radiant
She looked just like a star should…
“Well ma’am, I am a fan, but this is for my wife’s best friend”
I gave her, her name, she pulled a black and white photo from a drawer.
“What’s your name Darlin’”
I was just called ‘Darlin’ by a famous MILF!
I told her, and she signed the picture to both of us.
She went to hand it to me, I reached and she said “Why don’t you have your partner hold that for you?”
“Ma’am?”
“I want you to walk me on stage”

Yeah, no shit, that’s what I thought.
“Yes Ma’am”
So I and ‘unit 2’ left the bus, and I waited by the door.
Felt like a prom date.
She finished her make up, the door wooshed open again, she was beautiful, she stepped down and took my arm.
We began to walk into the arena.
Near the large garage door style entrance was a conversion Van. It belonged to some little AM radio station from the mountains of VA. They were doing a remote at the concert.
Mrs. Lynn stopped and gave them a quick interview. She then recorded two quick promos for the station.
We then continued towards the stage, arm in arm.
She was on my left.
As we neared stage left, George Jones appeared, exiting the stage.
He had his head down and a towel around his neck.
He was going to just walk by.
“Jones! Don’t you walk by me!”
He looked up and grinned “Hi Lorettie”
“That’s better”

It came time for us to part, I was just off stage.
She stopped, turned to me and said
“My, you sure look good in that uniform”
She got on her tiptoes
And kissed me on my right cheek.
Turned and walked out on stage…

Recently, while relating this story, the dual reality of ‘Age and Wisdom’ hit me…
I realized; I was eye candy for Loretta Lynn…😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣

Picture: period photos of Ms. Lynn and myself

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The Day I Retired

Its almost the sixth anniversary...

Some of you may have looked at my photos and thought; what young looking handsome man… He couldn't be old enough to retire …

Thank you Mama

Anyway, I am 60 and I retired at 55 in July of 2017. I was given a retainer for two more months in order to be on call. I couldn’t always get a reliable Internet connection and I can’t take someone’s money for nothing, so I shut that down in Sept 2017…

So you are thinking, what day in July did you retire? I didn’t really retire in July 2017. I quit going to work then…

I retired Thursday, around 1:35 PM, December 15, 2016…

Life was good for @The_CINC and I.

It was shortly before Christmas 2016. Tiny dancer, our surprise baby was a junior in college. We had a 4K sqft house on 7 acres, 40 miles south of Washington DC. It was our second house in 33 yrs of marriage. We had lived there for over 20 yrs. The final house payment was due Nov 10, 2017.

The CINC was at the highest point you can achieve as a civilian Govt Employee without going into the Senior Executive Service. When she was offered SES, the CINC had gotten to the point at which it would have meant more work, more time away from home, for no more money (because of the pay structure) for at least five to seven years. We also knew we wanted to Retire, so it made no sense to invest the time required for an SES position.

She worked for OSD, DOD, WHS (The office that runs the Pentagon, they are the ‘Landlords’) for 34 years. At one point she ran a division that had a yearly budget of $1 Billion.

She would be eligible to retire in April 2017. We really hadn’t decided what we were going to do. My top-secret NSA/DOD clearance was supposed to be coming through anytime. One of my specialties was encrypted secure communications.

I was a subcontractor for IBM and they were paying $50,000 for my vetting. It had been 2 years because I was a traveling consultant that didn’t associate with my neighbors… I was gone all of the time and I couldn’t see any of them from my house anyway..

Once that clearance came through, I could double or triple my salary which wasn’t small in the first place.

Here we were, at the top of our earning potential, few bills, house almost paid for, kids all gone…

Life was good…

Then Thursday, around 1:35 PM, December 15, 2016, happened…

I was in Birmingham AL, working at the US HQ, of a regional US bank that had been acquired by a Spanish bank. I was digitizing and updating their manual and electronic bank and treasury transactions. I had been on this contract for three years. The last 10 months or so I had been mostly remote, working from my lazy boy.

They wanted me to come in for some end of the year meetings and Christmas parties.

I flew in Monday mornings, getting to the office around 10:00 AM. I would work 10 hours Monday, 12-14 Tuesday and Wednesday, 6-8 Thursday and then catch a flight home around 4:00 pm Thursday. I would have 40-45 hours in 4 days by the time I caught my flight home.

I was sitting at my ‘station’, there weren’t really ‘cubes’, just tables with 3-4” dividers that had plugs. It was basically a giant open room, semi closed at each end by meeting rooms. My seat was near the meeting rooms. Behind me to my right was a large opening which led to a spacious elevator lobby.

The bank of elevators were the divider for another large working area. If you really tried, you could easily get 150-200 people in the elevator lobby.

I had just come back from lunch. I was trying to wrap a few things up before heading to the airport. A woman calmly walks behind me and says “Does anybody know first aid?”

I stood up “Excuse me?!?” She pointed to the elevator lobby behind her.

So I walked that way to see what was happening…

I am a trained first responder. I was a police officer at the pentagon and I was a FFX County VA police officer. I am also a trained BSA leader with back country first aid training.

As I entered the elevator lobby I saw an extremely obese man laying partially on his back. A woman by his side rubbing his hand looking concerned. Another man near his feet watching. I looked around, there were about 10 gawkers.

“MA’AM!”

I startled the woman to look at me…

“We have to treat him for shock”

First thing I could think of, get him flat on his back, elevate his feet.

"Go get that footstool"

That gave her something to do and think about.

I looked at the gentleman "Find me something to keep him warm."

I got him on his back. He must have weighed 400 Lbs.

I ripped his shirt open, put my head on his chest.

No Breathing, no heartbeat.

I took his pulse at his carotid artery to make sure.

No, pulse, his face was white, blue lips, his eye lids were partially open, his eyes were already clouding over...

He was already dead.

I looked up for a second...

At least 175-200 people were watching me...

I could hear people sobbing..

Where the hell did they all come from?

So I measured up his sternum, and began compressions..

If you've never really done CPR...

The first time will gross you out. I broke every bone in his chest away from his sternum. It sounded like I was crushing a bag of potato chips.

Another gentleman, kneeling beside me asked "Shouldn't you do the breaths?"

I was doing this for show. I knew he was dead. I have seen and handled many dead bodies. He was already dead, he wasn't coming back.

I looked over at the decedent's face, my compressions were forcing his lunch out of his mouth.

"Turn his head to the side, sweep his mouth, knock yourself out."

About that time a woman came over with an automatic defibrillator.

As I was giving compressions, I talked her through placement of the electrodes. She was so upset, she couldn't read the instructions.

She placed the electrodes, hit the switch, and audible countdown started from 15. When it got to one, it would send the charge.

I kept doing compressions until the Defib audibly said 'CLEAR', at which time, for some reason , I through my arms up like a touchdown. As soon as the cycle was over, I started compressions again.

I was starting to get winded, when I heard the elevators open and EMTs emerged.

one immediately kneeled across from me and took over.

I simply stood up, and walked away.

I didn't want to be there anymore.

I walked back to my station, and packed my stuff.

I was going to the airport.

As luck would have it..

I followed the gurney down to the lobby, one of the EMTs on the guy's chest still giving compressions.

On the drive to the airport, the shakes hit... I can stay extremely calm in the most stressful situations, but it takes a heavy toll later.

After arriving at my gate, I sat down, my cell phone rang. It was my boss from the bank "I just wanted to let you know that the guy didn't make it."

'I know" I said, "I knew that before I left, thanks for letting me know"

I called @The_CINC and told her everything. I then said "I don't want to die in a cube farm. Let's retire"

The Bank, and my employer tried to do some kind of ceremony for me. I told them not to, it was a dumb idea. If he would have lived it would have been a celebration of his life. He died, there was nothing to be proud of.

That was why they gave me the retainer...

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