“No sir, I’ll arrest you right here.”

BigUn

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Big’un@Big_un

August 18, 2024

“No sir, I’ll arrest you right here.”

As a new LEO I was given the most southern and rural patrol area in my District. It was also the largest patrol area.
It only had three real bars, several restaurants, and Ft Belvior Army Post.
The southern most bar, was an establishment named ‘Hillbilly Heaven’.
It was as high class as it sounds.
Its one claim to fame was that the owner, Earl Dixon, his daughter, Donna, had become an actress, had brief success in the TV series ‘Bosom Buddies’ before marrying Dan Akyroyd.

The three bars had multiple fights every weekend, and they were not close to each other. In order to keep from running all over the place trying to ‘put out fires’, I became proactive.
Instead of waiting for calls for bar brawls, starting around 10:30-11:00 PM, I would do a ‘round robin’ and make bar checks.
I would ‘saunter’ in, because that’s what I do, and make sure my big ass was seen.
I’m a large fellow, wearing a bullet proof vest, nightstick and gun strapped on, I tend look bigger.
This worked for a while, I was able to go at least 3 weekends without a bad bar fight.
One night, I walked into ‘Hillbilly Heaven’. It had started as a small bar, but added on a wing for dancing. This addition was square and had four levels for sight lines.
The lowest level had a stage and dance floor, two steps up, a level with tables, two steps up another level with tables, which was also the entrance level, and then the top level with tables was two steps above that. Each level had an ‘entrance’ through rails, and the tables had a one of their sides against the rails. This was connected to the original bar, by a narrow hallway that contained the entrances to the bathrooms.

I stood in the entrance, looking around the bar. I made eye contact with a few of the known assholes, and then sauntered my way into the addition.
I again stopped to survey the crowd. It wasn’t too busy but it had a decent crowd.
I then heard someone yell.
I looked over and a ‘gentleman’ was saying something to me. The band was loud so I couldn’t hear him. He was about 25 feet away up on the fourth level, I was on the third, even though he was seated, his head was at the same level as mine.
I walked over and inquired “Excuse me Sir?”
He looked me in the eyes and said “Fuck You!”
Maybe I misunderstood. “What was that?!?”
“You heard me cocksucker, FUCK YOU!” He responded
“Sir, would you like to step outside to talk about it?” I queried
“FUCK YOU! You’ll just arrest me!”
I smiled…
I don’t smile often.
“You know what? I can arrest your ass right here!”
The boy was intoxicated and belligerent.
With that, I reached up and grabbed a hand full of greasy hair, and turned towards the door, dragging the individual across his table, over the railing, onto the floor at my level.
I began dragging, his ass, by his hair, out the entrance hallway.

Guess what?
All hell broke loose.
Some of the intoxicated patrons in the establishment decided to rush me.
I had two things in my favor, the narrow hallway, and I just happened to have driven the ‘Paddy Wagon’ that night.
I placed my foot on the boys back, prostrating him with my weight. Pulled my tonfa side handle baton, and asked “So you boys wish to join him?!?” One did, so I hit him as hard as I could on his left arm, and then the back of his left leg across the hamstring. The sympathetic nerve reaction to this was his total collapse to the floor, and then he began puking from the pain.
I snatched the original boy up from the floor, put him into a compliance hold and frog marched him out the door. As I was cuffing him, I could hear lots of sirens.
The Cavalry was coming.
I thew his ass into the paddy wagon, and began swimming upstream through the folks trying to get the hell out of the bar.
Because folks were going to jail.
I was going to get my second ‘friend’ so that I could give him a ride to tonight’s accommodations.
I found him sitting in a puddle of vomit and urine.
“Are you going to walk out, or do I have to drag your ass?”
They didn’t call me ‘Officer Friendly’ for nothing.
He shakily got to his feet, I bounced him off the wall, spun him, and cuffed him.
I didn’t do a real good search because I didn’t have gloves as I had made him puke and piss himself.
As I was walking him out, three other officers, my Sgt, and LT arrived.
They were somewhat surprised that I wasn’t fighting for my life.
This establishment had a reputation for getting cops injured.

I was one of the only officers that never had an issue at ‘Hillbilly Heaven’, when I patrolled that area again.

I wasn’t your average Patrolman, I loved my wife, and my big ass was going home at the end of my shift.
That kind of police work is no longer acceptable.
That’s why I retired as an highly compensated IT ‘Mercenary’.

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Big’un@Big_un

2 hours ago

Day 8

Of the 2026 cavalcade.

1473 miles

“The only difference between an Ordeal and an Adventure?
Attitude!
Now change yours!”

Ships Capt. Lt William Bligh, HMS Bounty

We finally were able to get out early.
We rode the short distance to a local ‘Drive through tree’. The ‘original’ tree fell several years ago.
A gentleman from Quebec, an actual Quebecois, kindly offered to video us driving through the tree.
We of course accepted and thanked him profusely.

We then headed over to the Legget CA terminus of CA-1 (the PCH).
We immediately observed a sign that informed us that the next services were 28 miles. As we only had a little over 1/4 tank of fuel we decided to find fuel first.
We found a Chevron 13 miles south of Legget in Layton, so we headed there to top off our tank.
On our way to Layton, our right tire on the trailer blew out.
I’ve pulled a trailer for over 30 years, never had a blow out pulling one until I retired. I’ve now had 10.

No big deal, I pulled over to a large pull off on US101 (the 101 for you ...

00:00:43

Big’un@Big_un

September 25, 2026

Day 6

Of the 2026 Cavalcade

1060 miles

We are staying two nights here so that we could go to the Redwoods National and State Park.

My lovely bride collects National Park stamps.
She also thinks she’s a re-incarnated Druid because she loves trees. Especially Redwoods.
They are amazing.
We rode a dirt road to the ‘Grove of Giants’ and did the 1.7 mile hike to the grove.
We didn’t realize that ‘Banana Slugs’ were a big deal, we saw one in our campsite yesterday morning.

Last night was a downpour, even after it stopped raining it dripped like rain for hours because of the Redwoods around us. It was cold and wet.
She also broke the table we have in the little camper. It’s the kind with the metal pole, and there’s a metal cup in the floor to hold the pole, and the table has a corresponding cup on the underside. She knocked the bottom out of the floor mount several days ago. We’ve been using it any way as the table pole just sat on the ground under the trailer.
She then fell on the table ...

00:01:36

Big’un@Big_un

September 24, 2026

Day 5 Video

My ‘GoPro’ software made this video up from some of today’s stills. I’ve lots of footage.
The California sign, and the view of us Riding are from my 360 camera mounted on my handle bars.

00:00:29

Big’un@Big_un

March 02, 2022

This is my Darth Vader voice

For you doubters…
😂🤣😂😂🤣

Big’un@Big_un

September 27, 2026

Photos

From yesterday.
I used @The_CINC ‘s phone because mine was being used for navigation.
I’ve footage of driving through the Redwoods I’ll try to get posted.

Big’un@Big_un

September 26, 2026

Day 7

Of the 2026 Cavalcade.

Note: ‘Mules’ or ‘Ana-Mules’ (animals) as my brother from another mother, Miguel, calls them.

We were hearing Elk bugling all night last night. Now we know why the area is called ‘Elk Valley’.
Of course the Black Tailed deer that crossed the road in front of us while driving back from the Grove of Giants.
Last evening, a covey of 15-20 Quail ran through our campsite.

1292 miles
182 miles today, still almost 4 hours of seat time.

We left Crescent City around 11:00.
We stopped in Orick to get fuel and try to get some Butane cartridges for our single burner stove (coffee). We went to a Tractor Supply, after I checked the web to ensure they carried them.
Nope, the manager told me they quit carrying butane all together because the homeless steal them all. Target doesn’t carry them either, although we did finally find them at a local outdoors store.

We jumped off US101 and rode old US101, which is two lanes, was bypassed when they increased 101 into 4 lanes.
It’s now called ...

Big’un@Big_un

September 26, 2026

The secret

To a loving relationship.

The attached story emphasizes a saying of mine:

“Women want to be cherished,
Men want someone to be proud of them.”

https://townhall.com/columnists/kevinmccullough/2026/09/26/in-defense-of-a-wife-who-cheers-n2683647

TOWNHALL.COM

In Defense of a Wife Who Cheers

Taylor Swift's love and support for her husband Travis Kelce shines through her new song and marriage.

Big’un@Big_un

November 30, 2022

The Day I Retired

Its almost the sixth anniversary...

Some of you may have looked at my photos and thought; what young looking handsome man… He couldn't be old enough to retire …

Thank you Mama

Anyway, I am 60 and I retired at 55 in July of 2017. I was given a retainer for two more months in order to be on call. I couldn’t always get a reliable Internet connection and I can’t take someone’s money for nothing, so I shut that down in Sept 2017…

So you are thinking, what day in July did you retire? I didn’t really retire in July 2017. I quit going to work then…

I retired Thursday, around 1:35 PM, December 15, 2016…

Life was good for @The_CINC and I.

It was shortly before Christmas 2016. Tiny dancer, our surprise baby was a junior in college. We had a 4K sqft house on 7 acres, 40 miles south of Washington DC. It was our second house in 33 yrs of marriage. We had lived there for over 20 yrs. The final house payment was due Nov 10, 2017.

The CINC was at the highest point you can achieve as a civilian Govt Employee without going into the Senior Executive Service. When she was offered SES, the CINC had gotten to the point at which it would have meant more work, more time away from home, for no more money (because of the pay structure) for at least five to seven years. We also knew we wanted to Retire, so it made no sense to invest the time required for an SES position.

She worked for OSD, DOD, WHS (The office that runs the Pentagon, they are the ‘Landlords’) for 34 years. At one point she ran a division that had a yearly budget of $1 Billion.

She would be eligible to retire in April 2017. We really hadn’t decided what we were going to do. My top-secret NSA/DOD clearance was supposed to be coming through anytime. One of my specialties was encrypted secure communications.

I was a subcontractor for IBM and they were paying $50,000 for my vetting. It had been 2 years because I was a traveling consultant that didn’t associate with my neighbors… I was gone all of the time and I couldn’t see any of them from my house anyway..

Once that clearance came through, I could double or triple my salary which wasn’t small in the first place.

Here we were, at the top of our earning potential, few bills, house almost paid for, kids all gone…

Life was good…

Then Thursday, around 1:35 PM, December 15, 2016, happened…

I was in Birmingham AL, working at the US HQ, of a regional US bank that had been acquired by a Spanish bank. I was digitizing and updating their manual and electronic bank and treasury transactions. I had been on this contract for three years. The last 10 months or so I had been mostly remote, working from my lazy boy.

They wanted me to come in for some end of the year meetings and Christmas parties.

I flew in Monday mornings, getting to the office around 10:00 AM. I would work 10 hours Monday, 12-14 Tuesday and Wednesday, 6-8 Thursday and then catch a flight home around 4:00 pm Thursday. I would have 40-45 hours in 4 days by the time I caught my flight home.

I was sitting at my ‘station’, there weren’t really ‘cubes’, just tables with 3-4” dividers that had plugs. It was basically a giant open room, semi closed at each end by meeting rooms. My seat was near the meeting rooms. Behind me to my right was a large opening which led to a spacious elevator lobby.

The bank of elevators were the divider for another large working area. If you really tried, you could easily get 150-200 people in the elevator lobby.

I had just come back from lunch. I was trying to wrap a few things up before heading to the airport. A woman calmly walks behind me and says “Does anybody know first aid?”

I stood up “Excuse me?!?” She pointed to the elevator lobby behind her.

So I walked that way to see what was happening…

I am a trained first responder. I was a police officer at the pentagon and I was a FFX County VA police officer. I am also a trained BSA leader with back country first aid training.

As I entered the elevator lobby I saw an extremely obese man laying partially on his back. A woman by his side rubbing his hand looking concerned. Another man near his feet watching. I looked around, there were about 10 gawkers.

“MA’AM!”

I startled the woman to look at me…

“We have to treat him for shock”

First thing I could think of, get him flat on his back, elevate his feet.

"Go get that footstool"

That gave her something to do and think about.

I looked at the gentleman "Find me something to keep him warm."

I got him on his back. He must have weighed 400 Lbs.

I ripped his shirt open, put my head on his chest.

No Breathing, no heartbeat.

I took his pulse at his carotid artery to make sure.

No, pulse, his face was white, blue lips, his eye lids were partially open, his eyes were already clouding over...

He was already dead.

I looked up for a second...

At least 175-200 people were watching me...

I could hear people sobbing..

Where the hell did they all come from?

So I measured up his sternum, and began compressions..

If you've never really done CPR...

The first time will gross you out. I broke every bone in his chest away from his sternum. It sounded like I was crushing a bag of potato chips.

Another gentleman, kneeling beside me asked "Shouldn't you do the breaths?"

I was doing this for show. I knew he was dead. I have seen and handled many dead bodies. He was already dead, he wasn't coming back.

I looked over at the decedent's face, my compressions were forcing his lunch out of his mouth.

"Turn his head to the side, sweep his mouth, knock yourself out."

About that time a woman came over with an automatic defibrillator.

As I was giving compressions, I talked her through placement of the electrodes. She was so upset, she couldn't read the instructions.

She placed the electrodes, hit the switch, and audible countdown started from 15. When it got to one, it would send the charge.

I kept doing compressions until the Defib audibly said 'CLEAR', at which time, for some reason , I through my arms up like a touchdown. As soon as the cycle was over, I started compressions again.

I was starting to get winded, when I heard the elevators open and EMTs emerged.

one immediately kneeled across from me and took over.

I simply stood up, and walked away.

I didn't want to be there anymore.

I walked back to my station, and packed my stuff.

I was going to the airport.

As luck would have it..

I followed the gurney down to the lobby, one of the EMTs on the guy's chest still giving compressions.

On the drive to the airport, the shakes hit... I can stay extremely calm in the most stressful situations, but it takes a heavy toll later.

After arriving at my gate, I sat down, my cell phone rang. It was my boss from the bank "I just wanted to let you know that the guy didn't make it."

'I know" I said, "I knew that before I left, thanks for letting me know"

I called @The_CINC and told her everything. I then said "I don't want to die in a cube farm. Let's retire"

The Bank, and my employer tried to do some kind of ceremony for me. I told them not to, it was a dumb idea. If he would have lived it would have been a celebration of his life. He died, there was nothing to be proud of.

That was why they gave me the retainer...

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